And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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