Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think your dad took our porno
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Randomize
