How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
