i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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