I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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