Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
