happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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