Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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