At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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