What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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