He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
