Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
