im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
