u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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