i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
