oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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