The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
