Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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