God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
