Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
