I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
