Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
