THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
