This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
