Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
