remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
