I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
