You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
