I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
