She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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