I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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