I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
