i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
