Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
