chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I understand Curling. That high.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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