I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
