Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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