the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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