DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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