I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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