if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
