remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize