You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
