If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
