this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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