How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
