She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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