I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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