Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
