So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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