How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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