Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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