how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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