You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
