Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
no more duck duck goose at the bar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
