you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize