my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think your dad took our porno
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
