the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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