I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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