Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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