You work out of a Hotel?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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