i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
