I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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