I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
