Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
