I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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