maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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