My underwear smells like fireworks.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
