Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
