apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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