How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just had sex bonerless
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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