Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
