I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
