Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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